can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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