I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
