Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
