I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
