If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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