What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
