ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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