the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
