I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
