I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
