Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
