he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
