I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
