Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
