going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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