I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
