Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
