I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
