gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
