take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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