I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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