Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
