I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So drunk its hurt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
