All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
