Got a toothbrush?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
