Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What a dumb baby whore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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