I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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