I wish I could punch you in the face.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
