I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
