i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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