It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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