we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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