I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
