If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
