He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
where am i from again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
