Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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