No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
