mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
