okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize