i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
