Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
