hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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