the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
