One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
