my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
