Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
