Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
