I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You ruined the universe
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
