i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
