It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
