also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
