I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
