Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
