You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think i have herpe
just one?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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