i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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