i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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