i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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