The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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