new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
