Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
