There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
