She is in my trunk
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
