I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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