he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
