shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
