Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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