I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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