I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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