Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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