Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
