I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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