My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
